Top 5 things no one tells you about being a mermaid. (Number 4 will leave you floundering!)

Updated: Jun 21, 2019

Who isn’t a fan of a fin-tastic tail. Sea what I did there? Of course you did, its whaley obvious. Mermaid culture has made a huge splash, and we aren’t just talking about the rumours about who will take on the role of everyone’s favourite red headed mermaid Ariel in Disney’s live action The Little mermaid. From Ladbible to Instagram we are seeing a huge rise in mermaid theme trends, hashtags and even people wanting to quit their jobs to become a ‘professional mermaid’. Yup. That is a thing. But let Mermaid Cove tell you our top 5 things that no one tells you about being a mermaid. Trust us that it isn’t all glamour, glitter and flattering clam bras…

1: Mermaid hair DO care!

#Mermaidhairdontcare has seen a huge rise in hashtag popularity and it is not hard to see why. Millions of people are showcasing their luscious mermaid locks with dazzling colours, styles (we are sure hiding a few stained towels and hairlines along the way) and we can’t get enough of it! But imagine spending all your pearls and swirls on a multi-coloured hair masterpiece to then watch all those colours fade out as soon as you were to get into the water. Sure one or two times can be forgiving, but as a mermaid you will be entering the water A LOT more than normal either in a chlorinated swimming pool or mermaid tank and your once vibrant locks will end up draining out, and draining your bank account! Well, isn’t mermaid life an absolute beach!

2: Darling it's not better down where it's wetter!

Sun kissed skin, long wavey hair and glamorous mermaid makeup. What a combination… if only it was true. Mermaids may seem enchanting and ethereal in media but add a ‘splash’ of real life into the mix and it is de-FIN-itely not what it cracks up to be. Imagine spending 3+ days in a mermaid tank at a summer festival, the brilliant sunshine blaring down on you (that sun-kissed skin you had is now crispy), your waterproof makeup having a slip and slide party on your damp face and every underwater photo you take with someone your hair is swallowing up your face and your pride. You are tired, burnt out and most likely plain burnt by this point-But hey! You have checked off a big achievement from being a mermaid -you are constantly damp. Basically a real mermaid now right? You maybe moist but the need for after sun and a good facial is real!

3: Glitter- the devils shiny bits!

Firstly, we should all now know that glitter is bad for the environment. The infamous glitter is a microplastic. Microplastics, which measure less than five millimetres in length, are found throughout the world’s oceans, from the surface to the deep sea floor. They are consumed by plankton, fish, shellfish, seabirds, and other marine life. Plastic bits collect in birds’ stomachs, where they can cause them to die of starvation. Moving on to some additional shade (glitter being evil not withstanding). Glitter is seen as an irreplaceable addition to mermaid themed makeup looks. We get it, it's shiny and you can get a whole load of fun colours. But mermaid life gets incredibly hard when you have glitter oozing into your eyes, your nose, your throat and your very soul when you are swimming in that mermaid tank! Even with the best pool filter and the most expensive water proof finishing spray those glitter bits are going to spread throughout that mermaid tank creating a minefield of small devilish particles in what basically becomes a mermaid soup with glittery croutons. Yum. Have you ever got glitter in your eye? Enjoy doing the glitter squint when you’re underwater for an elegant mermaid photo.

Biodegradable glitter is an improvement to normal glitter but is still not a perfect answer. The above problem still stands!

4: It’s like drowning, with style.

In the event of a mermaid tank show, you are likely going to be submerged for a prolonged amount of time. Within this you will be expected to be grace in the flesh whilst holding your breath and trying not to float to the top like a dead fish. We all float down here- apart from when your tail makes a vacuum seal on the bottom of the mermaid tank showing you it’s not haters that you have to worry about when you are a mermaid, it’s the reality that your own tail would rather drown you than make you feel like a beautiful mythical creature. What’s life without a little bit of spice it in though?

Mermaid tank work is not for the feint hearted. You have to be red hot on your cardio and be at the peak of your fitness. Your lungs will not thank you. Your eyes will be bloodshot and you will be thanklessly crying on the inside as you can’t cry underwater. Put on that show smile, don’t swallow the water and don’t sneeze in the tank. Please and thank you.

5: You can see me, but I can’t see you!

You know those cute videos where dolphins are following children behind the glass? Don’t expect a mermaid to do the same. You may see us very clearly in the mermaid tank but we definitely can’t see you! The mermaid tank on average has 2-6 inches worth of acrylic. Add that with the distortion that you get trying to see underwater, the glitter soup and eye burning mentioned previously and you have a very blind and confused mermaid. We can see shapes and general outlines. No no, it really doesn’t help when you tap the glass but if you stand reaaaally close we might be able to figure out where you are and attempt to give you a disjointed hi-five through the glass. Still though, as long as you think we look good it doesn’t matter how much we can see right?

There is so much more that goes into being a mermaid, whether that’s trade secrets or just things you would like to keep secret because of how orca-ward things can be. There are so many ups and downs to living your best mermaid life and we haven’t even got started yet! So whether you are a professional mermaid, a insta-mermaid or just feeling those mermaid vibes, just remember you are a fierce fish and we see you (and your slightly dyed hands) being all mermazing. Keep on swimming on!

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